Mixing PMS + Running Slow =

• On: 11/02/2009 16:11:01

I am just going to close my eyes and pretend that it is November 14^th and I am done racing Clearwater!  And, I am going to wear a mask everyday and pretend that everything is ok in our school and neighborhood.  But, sadly, it is not.  EVERYONE is sick.  We have flu, vomiting and H1N1 all over that my kids have no one to play with.  I just sent one of the kids home because he was feverish.  So, I am freaked out to say the least.  My kids can not get vaccinated (if that is what we do) until the 16^th because the county is all backed up.  Not a fun way to live – washing your hands 1,000x a day and afraid that the person next to you in line at Target is sneezing on you!  ICK ICK!  And, top that off with Halloween which brought cold and windy 40degrees and the kids outside in that ALL DAY and early evening!  AHH!  We were all chilled to the bone!

And, I am not feeling well and that is what put me over the edge yesterday.  Sometimes I always hate that the mom and coach has to be the strong one, ya know?  I bleed red too.  I raced a 15k yesterday – the Hot Chocolate one downtown Chicago – what a great theme!  I went down with my neighbor friends and bundled up very well since it was barely 30F when we left…but the sun was out – so that was a special treat.  Racing downtown is fun!  This race had 12,000 runners – mixed between the 5k and the 15k.  And, at the finish line?  Hot chocolate and chocolate fondue and Hersey’s candy!  The idea of all of this waiting for me was so exciting!  I warmed up VERY well since it was so cold – and I felt great.  I had my legs – they decided to show up to the party (yay!).  Anyway, I lined up near Julie Wankowski and Tom Chisholm and some other friends and I was actually SUPER nervous. I am always nervous for run races because it is a little out of my element.  And, you can not really fake a nearly 10 mile race!

Gun went off and I felt great – I wanted to run mile 1 conservatively and I figured then I can start to build into the race.  Well, I went out in 6.30, which I felt like I was walking…but then something happened – I just felt awful.  I could barely pick my legs up – I was so tired (I was not bonking b/c I had just eaten and this race is only 1 hour long) – I just felt, OFF.  I saw my times go to 7 min miles…and I felt like –effort-wise – I was running much faster but the legs would not go.  JUST blah!  Heck, my tempo runs on the end of 16 miles is faster than 7 min!  So, I just was in pure hell.  I felt awful. Everything was a struggle.  The ONLY time I smiled in that race was when I saw Kara Hughes cheering on the course and she said, “Jen, you don’t have to bike or swim in this one!”  And, I thought….perhaps I would feel better if I had!!!  J

Every step, every labored breathe was killing me.  I fought to hang onto the slow pace I was running and I was thinking – DAMN, if I can not run then what the hell am I going to do in Clearwater!!!?  Silly.  It was mind over matter for every step.

But, I finished the race – for being absolutely sucking miserable the entire time, it went by really fast…I guess a race in just a bit over 1 hour will do that.  SHORT!  I was NOT in the mood to talk and I walked right to the GEAR check to get my winter clothes and parka and stuff so I could get warm….Ironically, I was never cold racing – never am.  Anyway, the hot chocolate tasted like shit.  The fondue was cold and picked over (the 5k racers were long done) and I had NO appetite.  I guess a 15k suffering will do that to you, but for ONE brief moment in my life I did NOT want any chocolate.  Gasp.

I saw some of the athletes I work with and started to talk to them – I had to ask them to sit down on the concrete because I was just dead.  Found everyone – heard Angela winning the 5k (yay!) and started to head home.   Driving down with Gina, John and Heidi was a great distraction!  We had fun!  Thanks for letting me carpool with you all!

But, inside I was SO upset.  I could not figure out what I did except I went out a little fast for the 1^st mile, but honestly, it was not like I ran a 5.55 first mile.

I was sitting on the couch last night and Jerome and I were going over furniture for our basement and ordering stuff on Overstock.com and I just started to cry.  It is one thing when you know why you run slow, but it is another when you don’t know why and I had NO idea why.  FOR GOD SAKE I did not even have ONE piece of Halloween candy on Saturday!  I mean, that is a crime in itself. 

And, I doubted myself.  I doubted that my goals for Clearwater were too aggressive.  I know that if Coach Dave was in town (he was in London playing Pilot) that he would have slapped me silly because my long runs have been faster than my 15k race…but, he was not in town.  Jerome held me and my sorry ass (did I mention I am TOTALLY PMSing too?  Ughhhh and feel gross?? Ok….ok…) and I told him that I need to fast forward to 11/14, that I am tired of training and tired of hurting and suffering and nailing times….And, you know what?  IT IS OK to admit that.  The sun doesn’t always shine in my little piece of the world.  99% of the time, yep, but that other 1% it does not!

And, that is me being overly dramatic, clearly.  But, that is me.  That is how I work.  

I went to bed early and I could NOT sleep.  Nope!  Miss, I sleep 10 hours a night was up ½ the night trying to figure out what was going on.  WHY I sucked so badly.  WHY WHY WHY!!   And, when the alarm went off to go and coach Masters swimming – I was already up.  I actually wanted to get on the computer (ok, workaholic)….any distraction to me having to deal with my bad self.

I went to coach…and I was hot and cold and hot and cold and felt nauseous and horrible.

Came home – but went into mom mode to get the kids ready for school, breakfast, lunches made….and then walked the kids to school and started talking to my neighbor – but I was elsewhere – not feeling 100%. Then, I had Pilates.  I walked into Pilates thinking, “OH MY GOD I am going to vomit anytime.”  And, I made it through Pilates by some act of a miracle and then I came home.  Wanted to cry again but instead laid on the floor. 

I am fighting something.  I had a swim on my schedule but you could NOT PAY me to go to a COLD pool today.  NO NO NO.  Again, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back – no swim??  OKKKKKKKK….

And, then I resigned myself to watching CSI NY while getting my work done – it is busy now as a lot of lovely athletes are back training 11/1…..after some much deserved off time (jealous).  And, I was sobbing like a 15 year old girl who broke up with her boyfriend.  Ok, Jenny, GET A GRIP.

I tell you, PMS is a bitch.  Running slow is even a bigger bitch.  Mixing the two = TOTAL DISASTER.  And, then not feeling 100%, but not realizing WHY until the day after is even worse.  THE ONLY redeeming thing:  NOW I know why I ran like I was a wimp yesterday.  THANK goodness there is an explanation.

So, as Angela is vomiting all day yesterday after her PR in the 5k ….I was the same way today – but NO vomiting yet and damn NO PR for me!  HAHA…so, that is lame.

Now I rest.  I rest until I feel better and all my training for Clearwater training is done so now my #1 priority is to not get SUPER SICK.  I can still function today despite wanting to vomit – I never did.  Yet.  And, so far my kids are still doing ok (knock wood)…but when we fall, it will be fast and hard and hopefully quick.  I have a big race to do in 9 days and despite this little meltdown, I am ready to roll.  I know it is hard to believe…but when I do show up, I will have my game face on, even if I show up in a mask!  (you think I am kidding…) 11/14 can’t come soon enough!

Congrats to all the runners!